


If The Coat Fits

by jessebee



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Apologies for serious notes which might have crept in here by accident, Attempt at Humor, Clothing defamation, Missing Scene, Other, Why the bleep was Han wearing a duster on Endor anyway?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 08:57:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9431681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessebee/pseuds/jessebee
Summary: Han is more particular about his attire than first might be presumed ...(Missing scene for RETURN OF THE JEDI.  Sort of.)





	

 

 

 

Luke heard the “discussion” before he even entered the supply room, because Han had a voice that could – and routinely did – carry over the melee of an operational flight deck.

“I am _not_ ,” his friend said flatly, “wearing _that_. No.”

“General Solo – ”

“ _No_.”

“But sir, it's – ”

“ _ **No**_. What part of that didn't you get?” Luke rounded the corner in time to see Han in full dangerous smuggler mode, looming over the hapless supply clerk with fists planted on his perfectly proportioned hips. “'Cause I can say it in a few other languages and some of 'em you _ain't_ _gonna_ _like.”_

With a forest world camouflage poncho already thrown over her uniform and showing positively unnatural restraint, Leia was leaning against the wall with her arms folded across her chest, helmet dangling from its strap over one arm, watching the fray.

Luke took all this in from the doorway. “Dare I ask what's going on?”

Han wheeled around, but Leia beat him to it. “Han's got a philosophical objection to camouflage,” she said to Luke, one eyebrow raised and her voice very dry.

“I do not!” Han snapped. “I've got an objection to that!” One big hand swept out in Leia's direction and up, gesturing at – what? What she was wearing?

Luke's brows pulled together. If it wasn't the camouflage itself, then – oh. “You don't like the poncho?”

“ _Thank_ you!” Han said to the ceiling. “ _Some_ body who understands Basic!”

Leia looked herself down and up again before staring at Han. “This is about the _poncho?”_

“Of course it's about the _poncho_ , ain't I been _saying_ that??”

Leia's sigh and eyeroll combination was of truly galactic proportions, and Luke only just smothered his laugh in time as Han turned The Solo Glare (patented and trademarked) from Leia and onto him instead. “Got something to say, there, junior?”

Probably Yoda would have something to say (no doubt disapproving) about using the Force to maintain a straight face when next Luke got visited by the Ghosts Of Jedi Masters Past, but desperate times, desperate measures and all that.

“I think some sort of camouflage would be good, Han. For military advantage and protection, of course,” Luke said gravely, walking across the room until he could lay one hand on Han's arm and blink his big blue eyes at his friend. Several times. “We'd hate for something to happen to you.”

“Oh, we _would_ ,” Leia echoed.

Derailed, Han stared at her and then at Luke, mouth a little open.

“Your Highness? Commander? General? If I may?” the supply clerk said in a high, fluting sort of voice, scooting around until he? she? xe? was standing beside Han, and Luke had to give the little – whateverthehells-race the being was full marks for guts. “You may find this more to your liking, sir.”

“And this is?” Han said, regarding the proffered bundle of cloth with blatant suspicion.

“An overcoat, sir,” the clerk said. “Also called a duster, which is a – ”

“I know what a damn duster is! Why the Sith-hell didn't you say so in the first place?” Han demanded.

“I did say so, sir,” the clerk replied in exquisitely long-suffering tones, but Han had already snatched the wad of vari-colored fabric and shaken it out, revealing it to be a long coat spattered in a bunch of ugly shades of gray.

“Now this is more like it; this I'll wear. It fits my character,” Han pronounced. He slung the coat over one shoulder and turned for the door. “Let's go, people, time's wasting and I gotta go harass Lando some before we can take off. If people would just say what they mean _the_ _first_ _time_ … ” And he was gone.

“But I did say so, I did,” the supply clerk mumbled, and folded into a heap on the floor.

Leia looked at Luke.

Luke looked at Leia. “Why did we rescue him, again?”

Leia sighed, and shrugged, and retrieved her helmet. “He's a good friend – a great friend – and we like him. And,” her voice drifted back as she headed out the door, “he's _fantastic_ in bed.”

Luke's eyes widened and he snapped his fingers. “ _That's_ it. I _knew_ there was a reason.”

 

*

**Author's Note:**

> Because culturevulture73 said I had to. No ponchos were harmed during the making of this fic.


End file.
